40

It's been 40 days since the Worst Day.

Food doesn't taste the same.  Music doesn't sound the same.  Laughter doesn’t feel the same.  My heart doesn't beat the same.

I think you would be really proud of how I've been handling things.  

Every day there is something that comes up; another reminder that you aren’t coming home.

I donated your corneas and they were successfully transplanted.  I hope that is okay with you; that is one decision from the Worst Day that I really struggled with.  I can tell you more about that later.

You were so encouraging when I had Jillie Side Up that I started this blog to get back to writing.  Writing is supposed to be therapeutic for the bereaved.  Did I tell you that I went to a grief support group?  I’ll tell you more about that later.

I will also tell you all about my new dog, Karen.

Is Nik with you?

All and all, I’m hanging in there.

I am well taken care of.  You always said you knew too many people which has turned out to be a wonderful blessing.  Billy moved in and I spend a lot of time with Karey.  Our family and friends are incredible.  I haven’t been alone one day or night since the Worst Day and I think you would take comfort in that.

Days, thoughts, conversations, and memories have all been a blur.  Weekends are hard.  A lot of the time has gone by very fast and the rest has been dreadfully slow.

There have been some downright rotten days and some okay ones.  I’m trying not to be angry; but you shattered my universe.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

I still eat, even though it hard.  I still listen to music, even though it hurts.  I still laugh, even though it seems empty.  My heart is still beating, even though it seems meaningless.

I miss you and have so much to tell you.